It is hard for me sometimes.I struggle with my own creations . I will start by creating a net and then connecting unfortunate feelings that end up blaming me of not knowing how to use love in a proper way. Yes, the net blames me. and Yes. I create the net. So I blame my self for being dramatical or being too this , too that. I mean I consider my self a healthy crazy person. I wish I could figure out how to be less this or less that. Am I overreacting ? I wonder… why do we waste time on being silent on a sunny sunday afternoon? what is it about silence that brings this anxiety of knowing if the world is ending or not? I wonder…
My friend says that days before being born again are “the bipolar days”. One day everything shines and I could wrap the world and eat it like sashimi and the next anything would feel as an excuse to go way way deep and eat my brains out. Seeking for attention? Being too demanding? What is that I am demanding? oh god I am looking at a big mirror here… is giant and all I see are my worst imperfections. I need some popcorn, but I light a cigarette.
Truth is I am looking outside for answers I will only get if I stop blaming and start believing solitude doesn’t mean desertion.
I am curious.